We have a rule in our house. Never say, “I can’t.” As a homeschooling mom, it’s not uncommon to hear one of my children say, when faced with a difficult task, “I can’t do this.” And it’s always said in the most drawn-out, dramatic, whiny voice you can imagine.
Of course, like a good mother should, I immediately remind my children of our rule. We don’t say “I can’t.” We don’t give up. Epsteens NEVER quit.
Or do we?
A couple of days ago I posted about a challenge I am participating in for the month of March called the 100 Mile March. Starting today, and every day in March, the goal is to walk at least 3.25 miles per day. If I meet this goal, by March 31st, I will have walked 100 miles.
Pretty ambitious right?
Some of you may remember the last challenge in which I participated. My goal was to lose 20 pounds in 9 weeks. I failed. Miserably.
Why in the world, in light of what I experienced during my last challenge, would I set so high a goal for myself in this next challenge? I mean for goodness sakes, it has only been in the last 2 weeks that I have really started to exercise on any sort of consistent basis. Have I completely lost my mind?
Don’t answer that!
You see, all my life I have been hearing one constant message, over and over and over again. Can you guess what it is?
“You can’t.”
In fact, I heard that message so many times that I really started to take it to heart. I really started to internalize it and believe it so much that it just became a part of my identity.
Up until a few months ago, I would have said that is still true of myself. For years, I have been caught in a seemingly endless cycle of ”gain a bunch weight, lose a little, encounter an obstacle or hit a plateau, gain a lot more.” I would end up worse off than when I started and it eventually got so bad that I just quit trying.
Hmm…I quit?
I thought Epsteens NEVER quit? To say that I was setting a poor example for my children would be an understatement. How could I tell them that they couldn’t say “I can’t” when my actions were showing them that every time you encounter an obstacle the only and obvious solution is to give up.
You see, what was really going on was that I was caught in a web of lies. I told myself I couldn’t do it and reasoned that there was no point in even trying. I told myself that I could never succeed so why even start in the first place? I convinced myself that I could never change, never get better, never make progress and I became exactly what I believed myself to be.
A QUITTER.
When I posted about my new challenge the other day a concerned reader questioned whether that was the wisest choice for me, seeing as though I don’t have the greatest track record of meeting goals I have set for myself. I love comments like that because they really make me stop and think and evaluate if what I am doing is the right thing (thanks Emily! 
). I have to admit, I was tempted to take the out and gracefully exit the challenge. I mean seriously, who was I kidding?
Then the truth hit me like a ton of bricks. I am NOT that girl anymore. I am NOT the girl who believes a pack of lies about herself. I am NOT the girl who gets discouraged before I ever get started. I am NOT the girl who throws in the towel and says, “I can’t”. Thirty-seven pounds ago I was that girl.
Today? Not so much.
For me the challenge is not about perfection. Maybe I won’t walk 100 miles in March. But maybe I will. Maybe I can’t meet my goal. But maybe I CAN. And you know what? I really want to find out and there’s only one way I know of to do that.
Or 100...
I’m going to start walking. See you at mile 100!
Have you ever given up on something that you wish you hadn’t? Has anyone ever told you that you can’t do something and you’ve proved them wrong? Share your story in the comments!
The Chick
Agh! That’s what I was afraid of but didn’t have time to reply back to your comment. My point was not to say you COULDN’T do anything but simply to see how you react when you fail. For some a failure just makes them takes a million steps backward and leaves them completely discouraged. To me, I have a weight in mind and a time I’d like to get there but along the way I keep trying new goals like shaving off five seconds off my current mile time. They’re not huge goals but they are challenging and they are achievable. My only thought with this 100 mile thing was that you recently said how little time you had to workout and were struggling to to find a place in your day to fit it in. I just didn’t want you to sign up for this new thing and immediately be discouaged when it wasn’t going well. I also saw how each post about your weight loss last month was always in reference to that 2lb a week goal and how upsetting that was. Please understand that I NEVER said you can’t, that’s not my place and only you know that. My only point was to consider how you felt if you didn’t reach this goal and whether this was the wisest thing to do at this point in your journey. That’s all. Grrr, hating being misunderstood.
Oh, Emily, no, no, no. You don’t understand. I truly was SO grateful for your comment and your concern. What you said made absolute sense to me and caused me to really, truly evaluate whether this was a challenge I wanted to take on. I am so thankful for readers like you who really push me out of my comfort zone, hold me accountable and encourage me. In fact, I ask y’all to do that all the time. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t truly appreciate it when you do it. I always wan’t to have a teachable spirit.
I wasn’t saying that YOU said I can’t, I was saying that that was what I say to myself! And have for far too long. After your comment, I really had to take a hard look at why that is and what I plan on doing about it-and it was from that self-confrontation that this post was born.
I did write about my challenge weekly last time because that was part of the challenge-to write about my experiences and link up my posts. It was disappointing to not meet a goal I had set for myself, but on the other hand, I had at least 3 weigh-ins where I lost over 2 pounds. That’s a victory in my book and while I was discouraged on my off weeks, and hopefully wrote honestly about it, as I always try to do, looking back over the whole I am definitely glad that I participated because it did push me harder and challenge me.
I have never made any qualms about speaking truth here-even if it’s hard truth. I made a commitment to myself and my readers when I started this blog that I would always be honest and blog with integrity. To me, that means sharing not only my successes and my awesome days and my progress, but also getting real about my struggles and disappointments too. I think people can really relate to that because they experience the same things in their journey, particularly if they have a large amount of weight to lose as I have.
Part of the reason why I wanted to jump on THIS challenge was because it had nothing to do with my weight. Even though I didn’t lose the 20 pounds during the last challenge, I made significant improvements in a lot of my goal areas. The one I struggled with the most was exercise so I thought it fitting to participate in a challenge that would encourage me to meet those goals.
I think my fitness level and things I can achieve work-out-wise are often times a more reliable indicator of the progress I am making than what the scale says anyway. Sure, I could have chosen a less ambitious challenge, but this one just sounded so fun and hard and that’s what I need right now. It’s high time for me to set aside all of my excuses and start putting my money where my mouth is. It sure will be hard to find the time to complete the challenge-that’s what makes it so challenging! And I am not going to focus as much on whether or not I get all the miles in as I am going to focus on, am I trying? Is my fitness level improving? Is it getting easier for me to walk a mile that it used to be? Can I walk faster/longer/harder than I could last month? Those things, in addition to how many miles I log, are how I am going to evaluate my success with this challenge.
Please don’t misunderstand what I wrote as me being offended in any way by your comment. I am truly thankful for you and I appreciate you challenging me! You are a blessing to me Emily!
I also just wanted to apologize if I didn’t communicate clearly that I really appreciated your comment and your concern. Sometimes it’s very hard to understand a person’s tone and inflection from behind a computer screen and I apologize for not communicating what I wanted to say more clearly.
Good luck on this! I hope you do well and meet the goals you want. Just use those who may or may not think you’re a quitter as your driving point. Don’t give up!
Thanks Amanda!
I’m super excited for you and this challenge! If I wasn’t doing Insanity, I would so join you! Insanity is literally killing me…my everything hurts!
By the way, I loved this post (just like every post you put up lol!—seriously, write a book!!) because its so wonderful to see you giving yourself positive affirmations. It’s exactly what we all should be doing!
I’ll be cheering ya on girl!! Proud of you!
Thanks Stephanie! “My everything hurts”-you crack me up! I can’t wait to see the results when it is all over! You rock my world!
It wasn’t raining this morning, so I walked to work! 1.62 miles so far today!
Awesome Jennifer!
You know what, I don’t care what you weigh! You are an inspirational person to many women, myself included. What you look like wont change that. As you lose your excess pounds and get the body you want, I can only see you becoming more of an advocate for the rest of us. I like following your struggles and challenges because I can “see” an evolution taking place in your life. Your mindset is changing and that is what I always thought was impossible for me. Thank you for challenging yourself and not sugarcoating your triumps or challenges. Keep up the good work!
You are so sweet-thank you so much for your kind words!
Have I told you lately, Lisa, that I love your attitude? In case I haven’t…I love your attitude!
Thanks Kris!
I’m going to join you in the hundred miles…just the challenge I need right now, and I’m reading it on Day One…what better time to get started?? Thanks for your words of encouragement!
Right on Karen! You can do it!
[...] http://fatchickfedup.com/2012/03/01/i-cant-never-did-anything/ [...]
In my house the word NEVER and CAN’T are banned. We have to mindful of the words we use because they form our actions.
I wish you much success with the 100 miles for March….I think 100 is your number for March..100 comments, 100 miles….ummmm interesting
Pamela
Still Dating My Spouse
http://stilldatingmyspouse.com
Thank you Pamela-btw, I LOVE the name of your blog!
Praying for you to meet your goals. Never stop trying!
Stopping by from the 100 Comments event.
http://www.AsToldByLisa.com
Thanks Lisa-I’ll take all the prayer support I can get!
I wish I had never given up on playing the piano.
I “think” a lot of people around me “think” I cannot make money from home and while I am already proving them wrong, I want to blow them away by how much money I “think” I am capable of making from the comfort of my home.
I wish you great success with your walking and weight loss goals. I have similar ambitions since my work at home keeps me pretty stationary and I have gained unwanted weight. I write about my journey on Tuesdays at my blog.
That’s great Theresa! Trust me, if I can be successful at this weight-loss thing, ANYONE can!
Good luck with your goals. You can do it!!!!!
Thanks Angi!
We often give up and talk ourselves out of continuing especially if we might fall short of our goal. I think the effort is just as important as reaching the goal. Good luck on your journey!
I agree Dawn! I’m determined to not give up and do as much as I can.
[...] time, it’s important to me to be able to keep up my motivation and push myself in this area. My new challenge should certainly help me take it to the next level this [...]
I hope you make your goal! Maybe you can motivate me to get started with exercising.
You can do it!
I recently failed to make a goal due to medical reasons, however, I think the important part is to focus on what I did do. I might not have 7 5K’s under my belt in 7 months but I do have 3. Something is better than nothing.
I think another good point is as we are working towards goals we are changing as we evolve. It is not a bad thing halfway to a goal to reevaluate the situation and see if a new goal would fit the new you better.
Good luck on your 100 mile walk. Whether you only get in 50 or if it takes longer then the end of March to reach 100, at least you are moving in a forward direction.
Exactly! To me, it’s all about progress, not perfection. Even if I don’t get to 100 miles, I know I will get a heck of a lot more than if I didn’t try at all. And that’s, of course, a very good thing. As the saying goes, if you aim at nothing you’ll hit it every time. Good for you for persevering through your own struggles!
Great motivation for me today! I’m supposed to be training, but I’ve been sick for a month. Today I feel better but still have some pain, not to mention my medication makes me groggy. I don’t want to go train , but I don’t want to quit either! Such an inner struggle. You are right though, I have to change my mindset.
I wish you well as you try to accomplish your goals. It’s important to listen to our bodies and you can only do what you can do. Don’t beat yourself up, just get back up again and keep going. Tomorrow is a new day to try again!
we didn’t raise our kids to quit either. And now that they are older, THEY are the ones who claim, “I am not a quitter!”
That’s awesome Janis-mine are still little so we are still in the “is this ever going to sink in?” phase, lol. So glad to hear there is hope for the future!
Atta girl! One foot in front of the other. You absolutely can do this. I’m a writer and I learned this a long time ago. Persistence is the key. Don’t look at the whole goal. Just look at today. You rock! Deb
That is excellent advice Deb! 3.25 doesn’t sound near as daunting as 100 lol. Thanks for the vote of confidence!
People who succeed fail alot. The difference is that they’re not afraid of a little failure. Once you master that fear and understand that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger….it’s all clear road.
What a remarkable gift to give your children. Even when you don’t reach the goal.
Sounds like our house….
Peace and good to you on your journey.
Ooh, so true! Each failure can be an opportunity for growth and learning or you can use it as a discouragement and excuse to give up. I choose the former!
Go girl! You nailed it when you said you weren’t going to believe that pack of lies about yourself anymore.
Set backs are just that, set backs. They don’t mean failure.
I too have been humbled living out my life before my kids (especially when they are with you all day, everyday), realizing I was saying something different than what I was demonstrating to them. Knowing they learn more from watching than what I say, motivated me to change.
I think it’s wonderful that you continue to challenge yourself, even if you fail. It’s better than never setting goals at all. You won’t always succeed, but you will sometimes and that’s exciting. You are setting a great example for your kids.
Exactly-goal-setting is SO important to me. Sometimes I meet them and sometimes I don’t-but in the end I’m ALWAYS closer than I was in the beginning.
Good Luck to You!!! I myself start exercising and then after a few weeks I stop. When I am exercising I feel good about myself. I keep telling myself to get up and get started again.
Leslie-I’ve been stuck in that cycle more times than I care to admit. Let me just say though, if I, starting at 330 pounds with seemingly insurmountable odds, can do it, ANYONE can! One day at a time, baby steps is what it takes. Don’t try to change everything all at once. I encourage you to write down some specific goals: what do you want to do today to get closer to where you want to be? Tomorrow? This week? This month? Before you know it you will be experiencing success and reaching goals you never thought possible!
What a great post. I like your attitude. I like to set a challenging goal. If it were too easy, then it really isn’t worth accomplishing. A challenging goal makes the process worthwhile, because even when you arrive late at the goal or miss, you’ll be amazed how far you do get!
I feel the same MJ-I don’t want my goals to be impossible or unrealistic, but I also don’t want them to be easy. What’s the point in that? I desire to always be challenging myself, pushing myself out of my comfort zone and doing everything I can to become a better version of myself. Anything that’s worth anything in life is going to take effort, hard-work, dedication and commitment. But the reward makes all of that worth it! When I get to the finish line and can say: I DID IT!!!! <—- That's the victory I'm longing for!!!
I really hope you do your 100 mile challenge. I have given up on things and wish I didn’t but I learned from those choices so I’m better prepared for the future.
I’ve done the same-I wouldn’t go back an change my failures even if I could. They are a part of me and make me who I am. Not that I am defined by them, but that I choose to use them to learn and grow as a person. Even if I don’t get to that 100 mile mark, I do know that I will be better for having tried.
I know that you know and we all know that YOU CAN DO IT!!!
NEVER EVER EVER EVER GIVE UP!!!
Thank you for the vote of confidence! I hope you are right!
Tks for sharing your story of not giving up with us. You are right, perfection shouldn’t be our goal, but persevering is a great one. Fortunately, I suppose, I haven’t had to give up a goal I had. My greatest accomplishment is sticking through grad school though, even when times were tough! Guess I haven’t made any goals since then. I really should!
Wow, you are very fortunate to be able to say that you haven’t given up on a goal-very few can. Good for you. You must be quite a strong woman! Inspiring and challenging, for sure!
Wow awesome challenge. 100 miles seems like so much but broken down into daily bits seems so much better. Why does it seem like people are always out to discourage others in doing things (especially ourselves). Keep going. Even if you make it 50 miles that is awesome. It seems like the most exciting things happen when you try doing something you think you can’t do.
Good luck! We also have a rule that we don’t say “I can’t” in our house
, yet I, too, have tried and quit many times. This is something that I need to work on. Thank you for the motivating post.
Super goals! That is a big one but YOU can do it! I’ve got to find some motivation like you have!
Yes, I wish I had not given up learning the piano! I made my daughter stick to it and she thanked me when she was older. Now my younger daughter doesn’t want to stick with it and i have told her she will because someday she will thank me.
I don’t think it’s bad to challenge yourself again even though you failed at the other challenge. I think THIS challenge is actually more attainable because you don’t have unknowns like body chemistry working against you. It’s very cut/dry 3.25 miles or not!
Definitely a cool goal to work toward any month of the year! 
GOOD LUCK TO YOU!! Don’t quit!
I need more discipline! 
I tend not so much to “give up” on a goal as to kind of let my expectations slowly drop over time and then it just kinda fizzles away. I dislike this about myself b/c I have a hard time figuring out then HOW I failed b/c it’s not one key moment.
The one thing I always give up on is losing weight. I do good for awhile, then give up. .. Then I look back at it thinking where I would be if I would have just stuck with it! Good luck with the challenge!!
I work hard to reach my goals, and I hope you reach yours.
Congratulations!!!! Every challenge we take makes us stronger…even if we don’t meet our goals.
I love your positive attitude…and especially your realization that others may have told you in the past that you couldn’t do this or that…but you are looking past that and reaching for the stars. What a great role model you are for your children!!!
I’m visiting from the 100 comment event…and hope you will stop by my blog…you’ll read a poem there that says exactly that…as a child, people may have said we couldn’t do something…but as an adult, we can…or at least try.
http://www.viviankirkfield.wordpress.ocm
Oops…finger slipped,
http://www.viviankirkfield.wordpress.com
My brain is programmed with “You can’t” and I have to say that with most things, I prove it true! However, I’m beginning to realize that my attitude can change that programming to “You can” if I make it change. I’m working on it, one goal at a time! Awesome post!
Go on Girl! You can make it to mile 100. And when you do achieve your goal, it will feel incredible! Rev up that Ipod and go get ‘em!
I like the picture with the caption a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. You have to take that first step and then keep on stepping. Even if you don’t get to 100 miles, you’ve started and that’s successful too in my book. Good luck! I should join you and walk too….
[...] I have worked out every single day for the entire week, a first for me. I am keeping up with the 100 Mile March. I am feeling stronger and fitter than I have in a very long [...]
Thanks for the pep talk. I’ve been riding the “I can’t!” buggy for a long time now.
Great post! I like your determination! Of course, the other side of the coin is that if you are trying something and you find you don’t like it, it’s ok to ‘quit’ that activity. Everything is not for everybody. I learned I had to give myself permission to do that, since I feel driven to never quit, lol. Thanks for sharing!
I love that someone’s comment hit you hard. For me, my husband can say things like that. . .that don’t offend but really make me think about my intentions and state of heart. We DO have to realize what we are really doing and decide to really commit and go for goals. And go for your hundred miles!
Whether you decide you can or you cannot, you are right either way. Good luck to you!
Good luck with your goals! Wish I could answer your question at the end of the post, but I’ll have to think more on it in the morning (it’s rather late here). It’s a great thing to think about!
Good luck with your challenge! I’ve been looking around your blog. Lot’s of inspiration,
Yes, we can’t get there until we give it a strong chance! Best wishes to you!
Boy can I relate! I fell off the weight loss bandwagon 2 years ago and haven’t been back up yet because “I can’t–it’s just too hard and takes too much time and effort.” I know I can, I just choose not to.
Good for you for doing this challenge! Maybe I should do something similar so I can motivate myself.
Christy
http://www.alivinghomeschool.com
Ouch this one hurt! I just made a move across the US and found that I gained all 40 pounds that I had lost in the last year in the process. Let’s just say that I’m not going to be signing my Mr. Right up for the military to move every few years! I can’t afford another weight gain like that! Anyway – you’ve really challenged me to evaluate my thought process – maybe it’s not the perfection of it but the trying…..
Good luck! I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed that you meet your goal.
Great attitude! Quitters never win and winners never quit! Even if we fall down we just have to pick ourselves back up and keep on going! Great post!
This is a great challenge! Do you make them up or do you belong to a group that does it for you?
Oh, my mom would get so angry if we said can’t.
I hope you get to the 100 miles, but you know what, if you don’t and you walk 75, 50 or 25… it’s 75, 50 or 25 more than when you started! Good luck.
Sometimes I feel like giving up my blog. Especially when I’m just too busy with other stuff or when I’m under a “blogging depression” spell. But I just convince myself to go on.
That’s pretty cool! Good luck on your 100 mile march! I love planning and starting things, but I don’t always stick with them. I am on my third time of trying to go through and finish the 30 Day shred and I’m going to do it this time!! Thanks for this encouragement.
For the longest time I didn’t exercise and once I started doing so everyday, my energy level and outlook on live soared. If I miss a day my muscles begin feeling tight! Love the inspirational quotes.
I think your challenge sounds like a great one and definitely doable if you have a regular routine or make the time for walking each day. Good luck!!!
You go girl! That is inspiring!! It’s been said that if you don’t set a goal, you’ll reach it every time. You CAN do it. Keep us all posted. BTW — we subscribed to your blog.
I love your post. Never ever give up on anything. I am liking you on Facebook.
Keep in touch.
[...] habits, walking every day, often times multiple times a day. I am still going strong with the 100 Mile March, though I do have a few miles to catch up on. I’ll get [...]
[...] the past 16 days! I can’t really even believe I just typed that sentence! I am loving this 100 Mile March challenge. I am accomplishing things I never thought I could! Go [...]
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[...] embarrassing way, I have been kicking butt and taking names where my workouts are concerned. The 100 Mile March Challenge certainly helped me take it to the next level this month! As of this morning I have walked 100.26 [...]
[...] 9. “I can’t” never did anything [...]