Starting Weight: 330 pounds
Weight Last Week: 294.5 pounds
This week’s weigh-in: 293.2 pounds
Well, I am slightly disappointed with this week’s weigh-in. This is rather anti-climactic for me because, after having what I thought was one heck of a week, the scale doesn’t seem to be reflecting my efforts. True, it’s a 1.3 pound loss, and I will definitely take that over the alternative, but it stinks that I’ve already lost these pounds before!
Last week I expected to gain and it was totally my fault for not eating properly. This week I am almost more disappointed than last week’s 2-lb gain, even though it’s a slight loss, because I feel like I worked harder than that. I’ve been exercising nearly every day and I am back to my regular eating habits and normal portion sizes and fluid intake. I am just hoping it’s a fluke and my body is still holding onto some of the residual effects from last week and next week I’ll get back under where I was before (292.2).
I know what you’re probably thinking: “She’s being too hard on herself.” And I probably am. It’s a nasty habit I have, one I’m trying to break for sure. It doesn’t change the fact that I still REALLY, REALLY want to see that scale moving backwards more rapidly!
Hmph. In the words of Forrest Gump, “That’s all I have to say about that.”
The Chick Magnet (my husband, for those of you who are newer readers) again lost a ridiculous amount of weight. Last week he weighed in at 208.6. This week? He’s down to 202.4. Yep, you read that right. He lost over 6 pounds in one week! I’m so jealous proud of him!
Okay, you want to know the truth? Well, even if you don’t you should know by now I’m going to give it to you. I love my husband and I am his biggest cheerleader. I am SO proud of him. Really, I am.
No, really.
But I also experience this dichotomy of emotions as the tiny twinge of envy settles in my heart. I recognize it immediately and give it the boot, but still it’s hard. I know this isn’t a competition between us. And it’s not that I wish he was unsuccessful. Not at all.
To be honest, I wish I knew the sweet victory of that kind of success. It is hard that it was my decision to start this road to better health for our family and he has lost more than twice what I have now. I started out heavier than him, have lost A LOT less than him, and NOW he weighs nearly 100 pounds LESS than I do.
I would be lying if I said that wasn’t discouraging or didn’t leave me feeling disappointed in myself. I might lose readers for being a negative Nancy about this whole issue, but you know what? This is really real to me. It’s a struggle for me and I really have to battle back those old feelings that I’m not good enough.
The difference between where I am now, though, and where I was 8 months ago when I started this journey, is that I refuse to give up. Even though it’s hard for me, I’m not letting it get me down. In the past, I would have been so upset that I would have completely given up, reasoning, “It’s completely hopeless. I’m never going to lose this weight. I work so hard, SO HARD, and do all the right things and have very little to show for it. I spent over 2 hours on the treadmill yesterday! I cannot do this everyday for the rest of my life so what is the point in even trying?” And at the end of that line of reasoning I would head straight to the fridge, indulge in the most unhealthy of foods whether I was hungry or not, and plop my rear end on the couch and not budge. And by doing that I would prove myself right.
I am not good enough. I CAN’T do this. I’m always going to fail so what’s the use in trying. And, like a pig, I would wallow. Wallow in my own self-pity and self-loathing and self-defeat. How’s that for a self-fulfilling prophecy?
So while I readily admit that I still do experience those old emotions and fears, my response to them is different. Now I ask myself, “Who am I helping by thinking this way?” Maybe more importantly, “Who am I hurting?” and “Where does this get me?” and “Why would I sabotage myself after coming this far? and “STOP BELIEVING THE LIES!!!”
Is it easy? Heck, no. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. That’s the wrong question to ask though. The right question is: is it worth it? And I can always answer with a resounding YES. Because you know what?
Along the way I’m slowly but surely beginning to acknowledge and believe that I’M worth it. And that makes all the difference.
That’s the truth.
I’m linking up today over at Confessions of a Snowflake for Weight-Loss Wednesday!
How did your weigh-in go this week? Are you sticking with your goals?
The Chick
Thank you for being real, for being you! I believe your journey and doing this blog was to put a voice to the triumphs and the frustrations. Keeping it real on here keeps you real and keeps me real! I appreciate you saying (typing) what is on your mind as many times it is what I have thought myself, the same frustrations. My husband mentioned the other day about losing a little more weight himself. I told him he can’t til I lose more or he will weigh the same as me. How selfish of me to say that to him. I really just want him to be healthy and if he loses weight in the process then so be it and I will be happy for him. I did weigh myself last week or the week before (don’t remember) and again on Monday. I had only lost a couple pounds, but I’ll take it – it was a loss! I feel great now that I am exercising and I think my body shape is changing as things have become easier (i.e. I can run up the steps now and not be so short of breath; shaving my legs, etc.). All this because I am exercising. Even though the weight isn’t coming off as fast as I would like, I have to remind myself that I AM doing myself justice in exercising and getting healthier, I remind myself that skinny does not equal healthy and I remind myself that I am worth every step on that treadmill and so are you! Keep up the great work! You will get there!!
Thank you Amy! I am so proud of you for rocking those workouts! I love this, “Skinny does not equal healthy.” SO true-thanks for the reminder!
Frustrations are bound to come up along the road to healthier living. Keep moving forward. You’ve come so far already. Give yourself credit for what you have already accomplished and don’t be too hard on yourself. God Bless!
Congratulations on 1.3lbs gone!! Embrace your loss!! That’s what my Saturday Weight Watchers leader said. (I wrote about it HERE on my blog if you’re interested.) As someone who struggles constantly with my weight loss, I’ve taken this as my motto. No matter how small the weight loss is, you still need to remove the small stones before removing the rest of the mountain.
I think we all get jealous of our husbands’ weight losses at some point during our own journey because it seems that they breathe and *poof*, another pound is gone. I’ve often had to catch myself when we’ve gone out to eat and he wants to have a big chili cheeseburger with onion rings and fries but decides to have a grilled chicken salad instead; many times I’ve started to tell him “go ahead, have the burger, it’s just this one time” but then I’ll stop myself. He’s my biggest supporter and here I am trying to sabotage his weight loss. I’ve actually told my hubby that it makes me angry sometimes to see how he loses weight so easily and I have to jump through hoops to get rid of a couple of ounces and, as is his nature, he starts reminding me of all of my accomplishments and then confesses his mental struggles. It’s humbling.
Have a blessed day!
Honey, I am so proud of you! You are walking a long and difficult road that many of us should, but never have the guts, to take. You have always been so beautiful to me. How much you weigh does not even factor into that! Keep up the good work. I think someday you will look back on this journey and discover it was those things that allowed you to grow as a woman and child of God that made the real diference. Keep up the good work my love. You can do all things through Christ who gives you strength (paraphrased).
I feel my weight loss is going so well! i started in january, and i wasnt doing well, but at the end of february i started a new weight loss book “thin within” a grace based approach to weight loss and since i started i’ve been losing a pound or more a day! I started reading your blog before that and I’ve been using your tips and tricks, but I hope that you check out this book and try it
Congratulations on the loss! It always feels great to get back on track, but I’m with you, it sucks to lose weight you’ve already lost (I’m currently loosing the same 10 lbs I have been on and off for the last 2 years, VERY FRUSTRATING). Keep up the good work and keep your eyes on the positive. Just think, you may never have to lose that 1.3 lbs EVER AGAIN!
I love your authenticity! I also talked about the lies we hear inside and whether we will listen to them…I am glad that you are choosing not to listen! You Are Worth It!!!
Congrats on your weight loss…keep up the great work!
I know how you feel. My husband weighs a lot less than me- I think I’m just jealous of his self-discipline and drive. Thanks for being real. I can tell that you are his biggest fan though- it comes across in every post!
I lost 2.5-3 pounds last week. I think I’ve finally found my “sweet spot” (range of calories) and I’m not changing anything in hopes to keep it up. My baby is 3 weeks old so I’m trying to lose as much as possible while bf’ing!
Jerilyn!!!! That’s awesome! I love that breastfeeding can help us lose weight, at least initially. I’m still nursing my toddler (2 next month) and I’m wondering if my body is holding onto fat stores or something for my milk. I need to research that as I know weight-loss can slow way down once they are on solids. I’m not ready to wean due to all the transitions we are going through, but I just wonder if it’s a factor at all.
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[...] IT!!! This is exactly what I lost this week. The reason why my goal is 1.3 pounds per week is because if I average that, by the end of the [...]