Starting Weight: 330 pounds
Weight Last Week: 294.5 pounds
This week’s weigh-in: 293.2 pounds
Well, I am slightly disappointed with this week’s weigh-in. This is rather anti-climactic for me because, after having what I thought was one heck of a week, the scale doesn’t seem to be reflecting my efforts. True, it’s a 1.3 pound loss, and I will definitely take that over the alternative, but it stinks that I’ve already lost these pounds before!
Last week I expected to gain and it was totally my fault for not eating properly. This week I am almost more disappointed than last week’s 2-lb gain, even though it’s a slight loss, because I feel like I worked harder than that. I’ve been exercising nearly every day and I am back to my regular eating habits and normal portion sizes and fluid intake. I am just hoping it’s a fluke and my body is still holding onto some of the residual effects from last week and next week I’ll get back under where I was before (292.2).
I know what you’re probably thinking: “She’s being too hard on herself.” And I probably am. It’s a nasty habit I have, one I’m trying to break for sure. It doesn’t change the fact that I still REALLY, REALLY want to see that scale moving backwards more rapidly!
Hmph. In the words of Forrest Gump, “That’s all I have to say about that.”
The Chick Magnet (my husband, for those of you who are newer readers) again lost a ridiculous amount of weight. Last week he weighed in at 208.6. This week? He’s down to 202.4. Yep, you read that right. He lost over 6 pounds in one week! I’m so
jealous proud of him!
Okay, you want to know the truth? Well, even if you don’t you should know by now I’m going to give it to you. I love my husband and I am his biggest cheerleader. I am SO proud of him. Really, I am.
But I also experience this dichotomy of emotions as the tiny twinge of envy settles in my heart. I recognize it immediately and give it the boot, but still it’s hard. I know this isn’t a competition between us. And it’s not that I wish he was unsuccessful. Not at all.
To be honest, I wish I knew the sweet victory of that kind of success. It is hard that it was my decision to start this road to better health for our family and he has lost more than twice what I have now. I started out heavier than him, have lost A LOT less than him, and NOW he weighs nearly 100 pounds LESS than I do.
I would be lying if I said that wasn’t discouraging or didn’t leave me feeling disappointed in myself. I might lose readers for being a negative Nancy about this whole issue, but you know what? This is really real to me. It’s a struggle for me and I really have to battle back those old feelings that I’m not good enough.
The difference between where I am now, though, and where I was 8 months ago when I started this journey, is that I refuse to give up. Even though it’s hard for me, I’m not letting it get me down. In the past, I would have been so upset that I would have completely given up, reasoning, “It’s completely hopeless. I’m never going to lose this weight. I work so hard, SO HARD, and do all the right things and have very little to show for it. I spent over 2 hours on the treadmill yesterday! I cannot do this everyday for the rest of my life so what is the point in even trying?” And at the end of that line of reasoning I would head straight to the fridge, indulge in the most unhealthy of foods whether I was hungry or not, and plop my rear end on the couch and not budge. And by doing that I would prove myself right.
I am not good enough. I CAN’T do this. I’m always going to fail so what’s the use in trying. And, like a pig, I would wallow. Wallow in my own self-pity and self-loathing and self-defeat. How’s that for a self-fulfilling prophecy?
So while I readily admit that I still do experience those old emotions and fears, my response to them is different. Now I ask myself, “Who am I helping by thinking this way?” Maybe more importantly, “Who am I hurting?” and “Where does this get me?” and “Why would I sabotage myself after coming this far? and “STOP BELIEVING THE LIES!!!”
Is it easy? Heck, no. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. That’s the wrong question to ask though. The right question is: is it worth it? And I can always answer with a resounding YES. Because you know what?
Along the way I’m slowly but surely beginning to acknowledge and believe that I’M worth it. And that makes all the difference.
That’s the truth.
I’m linking up today over at Confessions of a Snowflake for Weight-Loss Wednesday!
How did your weigh-in go this week? Are you sticking with your goals?