Starting Weight: 330 pounds
Last Weigh-in: 296 pounds
This week’s weigh-in: 295.9 pounds
It’s hard to know what to say about this weigh-in. On the one hand, I am SO relieved that I basically maintained, especially since I gained about 4 pounds in the last month. On the other hand, I am obviously not at a point where I should be anywhere close to content with simply maintaining.
I have a confession to make though. For most of my journey I have been absolutely obsessed with the scale. I have been weighing myself many times a day and torturing myself with whatever that number said. Now, I know my worth and identity don’t come from that number, but it is a really, really hard reality when you feel like you are doing all the right things and the scale doesn’t reflect those efforts.
So, even though I know I’m not defined by the scale, I was allowing my scale define my mood. If I was down my mood was up. If I was up, or heaven forbid, stayed the same, I would get down on myself. Sometimes I used those numbers as a way to push myself harder and see if I could get that blasted thing moving in the right direction. More often than not, though, I let it defeat me, reasoning that all my efforts were not paying off.
In the last couple of months, though, I have decided enough is enough. I put my scale back in my closet and promised myself I would only weigh myself once a week. I was tired of obsessing over what the scale said and cursing myself when it didn’t give me what I wanted.
I have to tell you, this makes me wildly uncomfortable. At least when I was weighing myself obsessively I would have a pretty good idea of what to expect on weigh-in day. I would already start to write my weigh-in post in my head-either celebrating a victory or justifying a failure.
Now though? I am petrified every time I step on the scale. But it happens once a week, I write up my post, and it’s over until the next week. Instead of weighing myself every time I step into the bathroom, I do it on weigh-in day and then forget about it. Until next Wednesday that is, when I get all nervous again.
So, I guess all I can say is that I did feel a tremendous rush a relief today. I figured I had gained because my work-outs have been nil and I know I am dealing with some water-retention/bloating issues due to my best friend TOM being in town. I didn’t gain-and in some miniscule way that is a victory to me.
I have been very diligent with my diet lately. I am trying to compensate for my lack of exercise by making sure my diet is nearly perfect. I have to admit, though, I have been having some serious, wicked sugar cravings the past few weeks.
I am sure it is due to stress and I have wanted to cave many times. And truthfully, I have had a few “treats” (hate that word, because I don’t really see them that way-I am not eating them as a reward). But I also have said no to those things more than I have said yes. I tell myself in the face of my weakness that I am stronger than that. And it usually works.
At any rate, I am simply satisfied with this week’s weigh-in. I know to some of you that sounds so completely strange that I would be content with NOT losing, but to me it shows me that I am winning this battle in the most important place of all-my mind.
Please don’t misunderstand though, I am NOT content staying here. I will keep doing everything I can to get this weight off and make the outside match what I see happening on the inside. I am committed to seeing this through.
The Chick Magnet (my husband, for my newer readers) lost .4 pounds this week. He’s down to 189 from 189.4. He is really focused on maintaining what he has lost now. At somewhere between 6’1″ and 6’2″, he’s very close to where he needs to be. He looks great. He’s in a size 34″ waist. When he started out he had a few pants that were 46″-48″ waists. His focus now, other than maintaining weight-wise, is just getting more fit and lean and building tone and muscle. He looks SO good and I am SO proud of him!
That’s the truth.
Did you weigh-in this week? Are you making any progress towards living a healthier life or are you struggling like I am? What will you do this week to stay on track or get back on track?