Hey all! Long time, no write!
I apologize for my extended break from blogging. I swear I am not giving up on my little corner of cyberspace. Things have been pretty crazy these days and I have been very sick with this pregnancy. So far, it’s been my worst one yet and has really thrown me for a loop. It’s frustrating because I feel so useless most of the time. I am not used to letting other people help, yet, I have had to do a lot of that over the past few weeks. We have also started school again with the kids, so that takes up pretty much all of my free time-which was virtually non-existent to begin with!
I definitely don’t want to make empty promises about my blogging schedule so I will just say that I hope to blog more regularly, but I know it won’t be as often as I did before. I can only do what I can do and right now, most days I am just struggling to get by. So hang in there with me and forgive me my absences. Please know, though, that I am most definitely NOT giving up this journey!
I saw an article the other day on one of my absolute, most favorite weight-loss blogs, Skinny Emmie. It might actually be a bit inaccurate to call it a weight-loss blog as Emmie blogs about so much more but I love her voice and her authenticity. She an incredible inspiration and I just LOVE her blog. I know you will too, so feel free to head on over and give her some love.
Anyway, the article discussed the recent case of a woman in Massachusetts, Ida Davidson, who was turned away by her primary care physician because she was overweight. You can read the full story here, and the article Emmie shared here.
The article really got me thinking about whether I am hesitant to go to the doctor because of my weight, and truth be told, I definitely am. For me, the absolute worse part of any doctor’s visit is being weighed. It’s embarrassing for me. I hate that other people see my weight and I wonder if they are shocked when they see what the number actually is. I wonder if they snicker behind my back or joke with their co-workers about it. It makes me very uncomfortable.
It has been really hard for me to find a new provider here in Florida. Part of it has been my own trepidation and just the general feeling that I get that I am seen as a ticking time-bomb. I do not, nor have I ever, had any health issues related to my weight. That is not to say it couldn’t happen or I don’t need to be concerned about obesity-related illnesses, but I just fear that any doctor who sees me will make those snap judgments that are oh-so-familiar to me.
With pregnancy, in particular, I have this fear of doctors. I know what my body can do and I know what it was made to do in terms of pregnancy and child birth, but because a baby is involved, many people get really nervous around me because they think simply because I am fat that I can’t also have a healthy pregnancy.
My last baby was breech and I was advised to see a chiropractor to try to get him into a better position for delivery. The first chiropractor I went to was totally clueless when it came to pregnant women and took one look at me and said, “You can’t be adjusted.” He proceeded to treat me with acupuncture and ice packs over the course of several weeks. After such ineffective treatment, I found a female chiropractor who was able to help me and basically told me that the other doctor did not know what he was talking about. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to get baby boy to turn, but the adjustments she did provided incredible pain relief during those last uncomfortable weeks of pregnancy.
After the birth of my second son (he’s 7 now), I ran out of my prescription allergy medication. When I called my allergist for a refill, he wanted me to come in for an appointment. I have really severe indoor and outdoor allergies and am pretty non-functional without my Zyrtec (which was then available only by prescription). I went in so soon after the birth of my son that my sister had to drive me there and I could hardly walk in to the appointment (I had a c-section and was in a bit of pain). As soon as the doctor came in to the room he told me I needed to lose weight-despite the fact that I thought I was doing pretty good losing 25 pounds in about a week. I was flabbergasted. And I never went back.
A couple of years ago, I went to see a primary care physician. I had been having trouble sleeping and was just feeling pretty run down. I was not in the room five minutes before she asked me if I had considered bariatric surgery. She did not ask me how I was feeling. She did not ask me anything about my medical history. She had no idea if I was working on my weight or not. She jumped straight to the fact that I was fat and assumed this to be the cause of any and all health issues I may experience.
I told her that I was not interested in bariatric surgery, but she would not let up about it. She told me to go on the South Beach diet and to quit eating white stuff. She said no one gets to be my size unless they eat a lot of sugar and white stuff. I didn’t even try to argue with her or explain that actually I do eat quite healthfully, thank you very much, everything whole wheat (with my own fresh ground wheat for goodness sakes), almost all of my food made from scratch, tons of fruits and veggies. She was thoroughly convinced that skinny = healthy and fat = unhealthy. I will give you one guess which of those two categories she fell into.
She ran all of the typical tests and blood work and everything came back fine (what a SHOCK!). We still had yet to address the issue of my insomnia. When I asked her about it again, she said, “Oh, you probably have sleep apnea, which would explain why you are so tired all the time.” I tried to tell her that I have none of the other symptoms of sleep apnea-I don’t snore, I don’t wake up multiple times a night because I’ve stopped breathing etc… She would not listen.
Instead, she sent me for a $1500 sleep study, for which we had to pay out-of-pocket, for me to prove to her, that I did not indeed have sleep apnea. And then she asked me again to consider bariatric surgery. That was the last time I saw her. I never received any help whatsoever for the original reason I went in to see her. And I have not seen any doctor, other than for maternity care, since.
Reading this article made me think again about my experiences and how unjust they really were. Should I understand that just because I am fat that I am less deserving of quality medical care than someone who is thin and present with similar symptoms? Because I am fat, does that mean that I will never experience any health issues that might be unrelated, such as a sore throat or the common cold? Does it seem fair that my concerns and questions are completely dismissed just because of the number on a scale?
Of course not! None of that makes any sense, especially considering that a doctor is supposed to help and heal. I have a news flash for you-shame will NEVER cause someone to lose weight. When you make someone feel ashamed because of their weight, tell them over and over that they should have major surgery, and completely ignore them because of their weight, it does NOTHING to motivate that person to want to improve their health.
It may be hard for some to believe, but fat people actually KNOW they are fat!!! They don’t need to be told to go on a diet. No one needs to remind them to exercise. They (we) are reminded every time we look in the mirror or see a picture of ourselves or hear someone laugh at us behind our backs. Just because a person is fat does not mean they are any less deserving of quality healthcare.
I don’t want to be misunderstood as making a generalization that all doctors behave this way. I have had some AMAZING doctors as well. I have friends who are doctors and healthcare professionals. My point is not to condemn them in any way. Rather, my point is to acknowledge that this DOES happen. Discrimination does exist for people who have problems with their weight. Assumptions are made that should not be made. Feelings get hurt and in the end no one wins because the person does not receive the care that they need and deserve as a human being, and in turn the problem is only exacerbated, The potential exists for a continued decline in their health because of a fear of shame-based medical care.
I readily admit I avoid the doctor’s office because of it. I am not whining or complaining or feeling sorry for myself. What I would like to see happen is lines of communication opening and constructive discussions happening about how to solve this problem and how to encourage those in similar circumstances to continue to seek quality medical care and not be intimidated and ruled by fear and poor past experiences.
I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on the issue. Do you think Ida Davidson’s doctor behaved appropriately for someone in her profession? Have you ever experienced discrimination at the doctor’s office? Do you avoid going to the doctor because of your weight?
The Chick
You are so very, very right. No matter what I go to the dr for I am told every time “well if you just lost 50 pounds everything would resolve itself”. Also, bariatric surgery can make some people (like me) sicker. I got high blood pressure, became texture and taste intolerant, allergic to milk and yogurt, on 8 meds that i wasn’t on prior, ulcers at the new connection, diverticulosis, can’t eat meat and vomit quite regularly. I lost almost 100 pounds, but it is never enough. Never can the dr be satisfied at a person not gaining more weight, but maintaining. It is indeed a frustrating experience and I put off going until the problem gets really bad.
Paula-you are not the first person that I have heard who has had a post-surgery experience like that, which is one of the main reasons I don’t want the surgery. I am so sorry for your experiences.
I will never forget being told while pregnant that I have GBS because I can’t wipe myself well because of my weight! I can and do wipe my a** just fine thanks! This came from a skinny MW who had just finished telling me she had GBS with one of her pregnancies.Wonder if she would have liked me making the correlation between her butt and GBS? I, like you, have major issues surrounding birth and this just confirmed for me that I could not trust her. From day one it was assumed I would have gestational diabetes and high BP. And when my first test was normal, I was forced to have another one. My pregnancy was completely healthy. I not only avoid doctors because of my weight and their prejudice but I have no problem saying that most of them are morons and I can treat many ails better myself. i took my 1 year old in because he had been running a fever for several days. At that point I was concerned it could be something more serious than a virus. I was laughed at; he literally chuckled. My concerns were dismissed and I was told it was “probably” a virus. If his fever got to 105, go to the ER! Medical professional often forget they are dealing with people instead of textbooks or dummies.
Ugh, Mychel, I remember you sharing that story about the GBS. So sad and disgusting that someone would say that.
Ohhh the stories I could tell.
1. I’ve been married 12 years as of December. We have no children (and yes, we’ve been trying for over 5+ years). I’ll never forget one doctor giving us the 3rd degree about why we’d been married 6 years and still no children. Didn’t we WANT children? I knew at that point, in my heart, there was a problem somewhere. A big problem. I went to multiple doctors who wouldn’t even let me finish my question before telling me the reason I wasn’t pregnant was my weight.
Last year, after weight loss surgery (best decision of my life) and losing almost 200 pounds, I STILL wasn’t pregnant. I still have some weight to lose, but I’m not getting any younger! lol New and different doctors ordered tests to see what was going on. I’M not the problem. My husband is! Within 4 months of finding out what the actual problem was, I was pregnant. Our son is due in November. I get LIVID when I think of how many years we wasted because no doctor would listen to me.
2. My childhood pediatrician wanted to hospitalize me my junior year of high school in order for me to lose weight. Needless to say, I didn’t. I did NOT like him as a doctor. Consequently, I refuse to waste my time with doctors that I don’t like. Life is too short. I tried a different surgeon when mine moved out of state 6 months after my surgery. He was very analytical and had no bedside manner. I left my ONE appointment depressed, feeling like a failure, and as soon as we walked out of the office I burst into tears and told my husband I wanted to go back to my original surgeon. Driving three hours to see my surgeon is worth it to me. He is amazing.
3. I decided my current PCP was a keeper when I went to him with severe back pain. Before even telling him my problem, I started with the standard overweight person’s statement of… “I know this is probably because of my weight, but…” He stopped me right then and said, that blaming everything on my weight is essentially a medical cop out. It COULD be the reason, but until it’s investigated, ignoring symptoms is wrong. Somehow, I controlled myself and didn’t hug him.
4. Two weeks before my surgery, I went to see my surgeon. I was angry at myself for not losing more weight before the surgery. He’d given me a goal to lose before surgery. I was about 10 pounds short of it. I just KNEW he was going to “yell” at me and be disappointed. You could have knocked me over with a feather when he walked into the exam room and said, “You’ve lost 40 pounds, that’s wonderful! Congratulations!” I think my eyes bugged out of my head. lol
You have to find the right doctor for you. It’s worth kissing a few frogs to get someone you trust, respect, and genuinely like. I don’t dread going to the doctor. My doctors are some of my biggest supporters and cheerleaders. I look forward to seeing them.
Good luck in your search!
Thank you so much for your comment! And I love your doctor from #3 too, that is so awesome! I have found myself saying the exact same thing-”I know it’s because of my weight”-when in reality, who cares? It doesn’t make the pain or illness any less real, why should I not receive the same treatment as someone else? And I know lots of skinny people who are horribly unhealthy. Good for you for persevering! You give me hope!
I love # 3 Erin. I had the same feelings with my gynecologist. I had such bad luck trying to convince more than one that I have pcos. I have every single symptom, but they still said no. I finally gave up mentioning it. I went to a new Dr and first thing he said was you have pcos. I teared up and he said why are you crying. Then I explained about the other doctors. He said I can tell just by looking at you. Amazing what difference a good doctor can make.
And I totally forgot to say CONGRATULATIONS!!! My heart aches for what you had to endure to get to this point, but I am so glad to here you are expecting. Babies make me so happy!
It may be hard for some to believe, but fat people actually KNOW they are fat!!! They don’t need to be told to go on a diet. No one needs to remind them to exercise. They (we) are reminded every time we look in the mirror or see a picture of ourselves or hear someone laugh at us behind our backs. Just because a person is fat does not mean they are any less deserving of quality healthcare
There was never a more true statement in the history of blogs!!!!!!
I work next door to a Dr’s office ( home health office) and I can tell you at this Dr, NO ONE would EVER snicker about weight. NO ONE would EVER discuss your weight behind your back. That being said, my mom is an OB nurse. Several of her nursing co workers in the OB unit come out of the exam rooms shaking their heads and snickering about weight… NOT COOL! I made sure to tell my mom to set these morons straight! We are human! We are intelligent… we overeat…. ok??? Sheesh.
Love you chick!!
Hi Lori-I’ve missed you!
So true Lori, we know we are fat, we know what food to eat, we KNOW how many freaking calories are in that piece of cake!!!!!!!!!! WE KNOW HOW MANY CALORIES WE ARE BURNING WHEN WE ARE EXERCISING!! Nothing gets me more worked up than when a skinny person assumes you don’t know it as you are overweight.
Now that I am off my soapbox hope you are all doing good
Lol, Kathleen, feel free to step on your soap box anytime!
Gah! Finding Fat Friendly health professionals can be so frustrating.
When I was pregnant with my youngest 10 years ago i relied heavily on a site run by a lady named KMom. She is no longer maintaining her site that she had back then, but there is still a ton of good info there. She is now blogging at a new site and still has great info.
http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/
http://www.wellroundedmama.blogspot.com/
One of the resources on the old KMom site is a provider directory of fat friendly professionals. I have no idea if there are listings for your area, but it may help folks in other areas. This also reminded me that I need to add my new gyn specialist to the list. She recently helped me figure out that I needed a hysterectomy and is a great surgeon. She and her office are very size friendly.
http://www.cat-and-dragon.com/stef/Fat/ffp.html
Good luck and hang in there! I still love seeing your posts no matter how frequent or infrequent they are.
Thanks Maria! I actually found K-mom’s site in my last pregnancy. It was a great help to me at the time. Thanks for reminding me of it!
I hear you. I always hated going to the doctor because I knew he’d tell me I needed to lose weight. Like I didn’t already know that? Why am I paying you to tell me something I’m painfully aware of?
I think there is a fine line. I do think doctors should have those “difficult” conversations with their patients. This includes smoking, drug use, alcohol abuse, dangerous sexual behavior, and yes, weight. Most of these people know they have a problem, but that doesn’t mean the doctor should shy away from these discussions. It is part of their job.
This doesn’t mean that they should be rude about it. They should approach the issue carefully and with caring words. They should offer support and resources. There many overweight people that use the “health” excuse. I eat healthy. My weight isn’t directly impacting my health. Having unprotected sex with multiple partners many not have resulted in a STD, but it doesn’t mean that it is a healthy behavior. You may not have high blood pressure or high cholesterol, but that doesn’t mean that your weight doesn’t have an impact.
I feel for people that have been treated poorly and rudely by their physicians. There is never an excuse for that. But, I think a doctor has every right to bring up weight if it is a concern.
Oh, Bethany, I absolutely concur. Any physician would be remiss if they completely overlooked potentially damaging health issues. That being said, I think it CAN be done with sensitivity and respect and in the right contexts. I don’t really think my allergist should be giving me medical advice on something that is not in his field of expertise. I feel doctors should make more of an effort to get to know their patients before jumping to conclusions. Had my allergist bothered to look at my chart at all he would have seen that I just had a baby and I weighed much LESS than what I did just a few weeks prior-and actually less than what I did before getting pregnant (all of the physicians I see are part of the same network so all of my records are together, no matter who I am seeing, and he would have seen at a glance what my last weigh-in was, had he bothered to look). And I completely agree that just because I don’t have current health problems related to my weight that it doesn’t mean that it can’t happen or if I continue with those habits that it will more than likely happen. Good thing I am not continuing with those habits, I guess
Hello,
My wife is overweight and currently on her 14th week of pregnancy. She is having a hard time with her pregnancy and HATES going to the doctor. We love our doctor so much, she (our doctor) helped us through my first pregnancy which ended in a still born son and through my second pregnancy in which we ended up with my amazing daughter. My wife did not want to go to the doctor because she knew the doctor would harass her about her weight. I do not understand doctors and why they do this, my wife knows she is overweight, screw off already! My wife is a carpenter and can lift probably 200 pounds, she is a strong woman, who happens to carry a bit of weight, there is NOTHING she can do about it. I get so angry because I see how it hurts my wife when people say things. I even asked my doctor not to harass my wife and during the appointment defended my wife. The problem is that we cannot even go to the local hospital because of my wife’s BMI is too high (stupid thing does not account for muscle). I also heard we could not get a midwife because her BMI is too high (we are in BC in Canada). Doctors have told my wife for years ANY problem she has is because of her weight, and we know it is not (my wife lost 100 pounds on a crazy diet and her asthma was still there as well as how easily she bruised and her back aches). I wish that people could understand that not all people who are overweight live unhealthy lives. I am not 150 pounds and have been told for years I should weigh 300 (by my mother no less) because I eat so much junk. Sorry, just had to rant, lol. Grr to stupid doctors and yay to strong women!
Tina
Lol Tina-you make me laugh! I am sorry for all the struggles you are facing. I pray for a healthy pregnancy for you guys though! Keep me posted!
As a nursing instructor and an overweight one at that, I have decided to do my part. I am going to print out this blog as well as the one about Ida and make them required reading for my Foundations in Nursing class (beginner level) as well as part of the culturally appropriate portion of the senior class when they reach that point. It is a cultural thing, you know. And, yes, people do pre-judge others for their weight even to the point of thinking they are not intelligent. I also grew up with a sister who struggled with her weight and I was not a very good sister sometimes. When someone has feelings of inferiority, they tend to pick on others just to make themselves feel good about who they are. Again, I have walked on both sides of that street, I am ashamed to say. I know exactly what you are saying. I have had many of the same experiences. I love you. Thank you for sharing.
Glad to know what I have written will be used for positive change elsewhere. I could not ask for a greater complement.
I wish I could let you all go to my NP. She herself is a large momma and the most wonderful person in the world. I love this lady and am grateful for everything she does for me, including getting me into a gynecologic oncologist when she found a huge mass in my abdomen. (25.5 lbs worth of mass) Neither of them even mention my weight and are just thankful it wasn’t cancer. I am also so glad to see this blog because not only am I a large momma, but a large momma doula. I have seen women told they needed to have c sections so early on in pregnancy for some of the most insane (and unjustified) reasons that the only conclusion I could make the doctor wanted to do it because the woman was larger. Keep up the good work!
That’s awesome that you have such great support! And don’t get me going on c-sections and modern maternity care, I might never shut up lol.