And another one bites the dust. Another week that is.
I have to admit, I really dread writing this post this week. And I totally feel guilty about calling it “Running With Perseverance”. Maybe I should have called it, “Slacking Off With Perseverance” or something more accurate. This was definitely not a good week for me.
Admittedly, I have been in a bit of a slump lately. I could give you all sorts of excuses as to why that is the case. You could feel sorry for me because our family is still adjusting to having hardly any income since my husband’s job-loss and that is taking its toll emotionally. I could explain that we are still trying to figure out a “new normal” now that our schedules have been turned upside down. I could tell you all about the time spent away from home traveling the past couple of weeks. And all of that would be true.
Those are all also excuses. Pretty darn good excuses, but excuses nonetheless. If there is anything I have become good at over the years as I have packed on the pounds it has been making excuses.
“I don’t have the time.”
“I’m too busy.”
“I’m too tired.”
“I’m going to start next week.”
“It’s the holidays, I’ll make changes after the first of the year.”
“I have a nursing baby.”
“I have four kids who need all of my attention.” (Nothing like blaming my kids for my issues. I know, right? Mother of the Year, I’m telling you.)
“Homeschooling takes up too much of my time.”
“I’m too out of shape.”
“I can’t afford a gym membership/to eat healthy/workout videos/exercise equipment.” (Ummm, hello??? Free treadmill, anyone? You were aware the library lets you borrow videos FOR FREE right?)
“My husband works too many hours and we would never have enough time together.”
You name it, I’ve used it. Every. Excuse. In. The. Book.
You know what?
I’m done with the excuses. I’m done with deceiving myself. I’m done with hiding. If I wanted to continue hiding behind my excuses (which are really all just masks for my fears), I would have never started this blog.
But almost two months ago now, I made a promise. I promised God. I promised myself. I promised you. I promised that I was done.
So what was wrong with my week?
Me. I was wrong. I am my own worst enemy and my biggest problem to overcome. It was MY choice alone to eat what I did (you don’t want to know), to neglect my workouts when I did (I did do a few pansy workouts in the pool), and to allow my emotions to get the better of me during some difficult situations this week and use that as an excuse to NOT persevere. I am the only one who can do this. And this week? I just didn’t do it.
I am not even going to list my successes and struggles this week or my focus for next week. My successes were few and far between and my struggles were too numerous to count. And my focus is simply this: to stay focused.
One thing I have always promised on this blog is that I will always be honest with you. Even if I end up looking (and feeling) like crap because of it. I will never sugar-coat what happens on my journey to paint myself in a positive light. I don’t think that is helpful to either one of us. First, I would be deceiving us both and second, I would be setting myself up as an impossible example. Instead, I want you to know what is really real. I have been at this long enough to know you have probably been there too.
So there you have it. My very honest, very real, very terrible weight-loss week. I am only hoping the scale tomorrow doesn’t show it to be a weight-gain week. So far, I have not had a single week since I started that I have not lost. No matter how miniscule that loss may have been, it was still a loss. If I actually gain one week, I am warning you now, you are going to have to help me pick up the pieces and keep pressing on.
In the past, a week like the one I have had would have led to me completely giving up. It also would have led to a lot of self-hatred and self-condemning thoughts. It would have more than likely expressed itself with extreme bingeing. It definitely would have led to more excuses.
Thankfully, I’m done with all that.
So how do you handle weeks like the one I had? Do you get discouraged and give up? Does it make you angry and give you motivation to push harder?
Please, make me feel better and tell me I am not alone.
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